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SHERIDAN, WY: In an unprecedented natural phenomenon, a white-tailed deer (or Odocoileus virginianus) has been spotted near the outskirts of Sheridan. Science professionals have relayed to us that this is indeed a departure from natural norms, and that deer are often reclusive and hesitant to even come into our yards and trample our plants all the frickin’ time.
Whether this is a single, isolated incident or a harbinger of much worse ecological collapses yet to come we probably shouldn’t say for sure, but we’re going to anyway. If our calculations are correct (and let’s be honest, they are) then we will see a total and complete buckling of not only the hierarchy of the animal kingdom but the very laws of physics that govern our world. This rogue deer is the first splintering crack in the glass pane of reality. The consequences of its presence will be far-reaching and at the moment inconceivable. Buck-le up, Sheridan.
What can we blame for this strange happening? Is it a sign of climate change, a result of the recent election, or just good, old-fashioned paranormal shenanigans? We may never know, Sheridan. We may never know.