~CONTENT POWERED BY ANTELOPE BUTTE FOUNDATION~
The 2016 summer Olympics have been over for a few weeks now. Enough time, we think, to reflect. It was a bit reminiscent of a reality TV show that’s gone on for too many seasons (a bit over 2,800 by our count) that decided to ramp up the crazy to get more views. Kayakers capsized because of couches in the water, Olympic swimming pools turned green, the mosquitoes were full of horrible diseases, some men were robbed, some men merely lied about it and it all culminated in what we at Sheridan Brand would succinctly call an “oopsie.” As such, we’ve found a way to fix said oopsie. Why not hold the next Olympics in the grand state of Wyoming? There is no good reason. Now we know what you’re thinking, “But the 2020 Olympics have already been scheduled for Tokyo!” To which we would counter: We’re not entirely sure that this “Tokyo” exists. Think about it. Have you ever been there? Neither have we. How can you hold the Olympics in a place that may or may not exist? You can’t. That’s how. To wit, we offer up Wyoming as a place that we are 99% sure actually exists. Its more or less certainty of being isn’t its only upside, though. We’ve made a list of reasons the next Olympics should be held in Wyoming.
THE SCENERY
Have you ever gazed out at the sprawling mountains that crisscross Wyoming and wondered who, in some kind of divine wisdom, set these monuments to beauty and grace to be admired by us mere mortals down below? Or have you ever thought “Wow those are kinda cool,”? If you answered “Yes” to one or both of those questions, why not consider the Cowboy State for your next Olympic games? People can enjoy beautiful sites, such as the Big Horns, Wind River Canyon, or the conspicuously lethal geysers of Yellowstone while they watch the strongest and fastest people in the world compete in some kind of quasi-gladiator match without the blood sport.
THE PEOPLE
The population of Wyoming is a mix of people who respect tradition while embracing modernity. We’re a pretty friendly bunch, always willing to offer a hot pot of coffee, a slice of apple pie, or some other cliched Americana symbol. Plus, if you don’t particularly like us, you can take a brisk walk in any direction and there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll end up alone. There’s only, like, 15 of us in the entire state.
THE HISTORY
Wyoming is rich with history. From the extensive Native American tribal history to the expansion of the Old West to that time Bill got his tractor stuck in a ditch, the Equality State’s sprawling biography is reason enough in itself to warrant a visit from the Olympic fairy. Now, to be fair, it isn’t all peaches and cream, what with the occasional war or “Last Stand”, but at least all of that is in the past. Wyoming is the 6th safest state in the entirety of the United States, and most of that danger comes from errant horses and the occasional rogue tumbleweed.
When all is considered, it’s painstakingly obvious that Wyoming is the only logical choice for the 2020 Olympics. If you’re reading this, proud members of the IOC, preparations can be made and proper authorities reached through the Pony Express and the occasional messenger pigeon.
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